i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
