i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize