Kiss
Puke
People in love make me want to vomit
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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