"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
