All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Barsexuality is the new black.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
