Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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