I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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