She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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