I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
