I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
