Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
