Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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