the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
sex in a hospital.. check
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
