so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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