A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
