I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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