I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
