Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
