oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
