I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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