Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
