guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
