He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
