No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
