Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
