I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
