Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My vagina is officially offended.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
