I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
