i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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