I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Randomize
