1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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