i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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