happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
