she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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