Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
