The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
