I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
