i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
