Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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