There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
