just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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