Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
