You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
