I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
