I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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