Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
