i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
