the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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