Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
