your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
