"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
