i don't like sucking hair
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
