we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
