maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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