And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
