You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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