I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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