a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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