I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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