It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
