I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize