My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
