Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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