You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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