yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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