the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
