you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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