i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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