I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
