so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
