i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
