I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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