I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there was a trapeze. enough said
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize